Decoding Your Partner's Sexual Personality
By: Natasha Burton
He’s an early bird while you’re a night owl; he likes his sandwiches sans crust while for you, the more crust the better; and though you are different, you share one thing: he loves you and you love him.
Just as you two share similarities and differences in your personalities, habits, and tastes, the same can be said for your intimate desires. The key to maintaining an awesome relationship with your partner is balancing both of your desires. By taking time to understand what you both want in and out of the bedroom, you can strengthen your physical and emotional connection even further.
The number of times your partner wants to be intimate – in a week, in a day, whenever – is a crucial aspect of understanding his desire. You may want to end every day with a romp in the sack, while your partner may be satisfied with one long intimate session every Sunday. This is why you should be open and honest about what you each believe is the "right" frequency for intimacy in your relationship. Whatever your individual preferences may be, having a firm grasp on expectations allows you to nip any potential feelings of rejection in the bud.
nip any potential feelings of rejection in the bud
Some people are adventure seekers in bed. Other people are okay with staying in their intimate bubble. It's important for a couple to talk about what turns them on and how adventurous they'd like to be in order to respect each other's boundaries. Before trying something new, talk to your partner in a non-sexual setting first – especially if you are the more exploratory one – to be sure that whatever you want to do feels right for them. If you are keen to try sex toys for couples then bring it up with your partner to see how they feel about it?
If your partner is interested in a particular sexual fantasy, understanding why he is drawn to that scenario may shed light on something in his past or about his emotional state. According to a 2011 study led by Israeli psychologist Gurit E. Birnbaum, and published in "Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin," many people develop sexual fantasies related to their attachment style, and these inclinations can reflect anything from how they were raised to how they relate to their partners.
For example, people may see fantasies as a means of escaping from reality, to use sex as a way to relinquish control to their partner. Figuring out the meaning behind his fantasy as a couple might bring you closer to your partner and his inner world.
Loss of Desire
When your lover seems disinterested in sex, this can be a major blow to your ego. However, a person typically loses desire for reasons that have nothing to do with their partner. Hormonal changes, stress, feelings of inadequacy outside of the bedroom, as well as other factors can cause a person to shy away from intimacy. Getting to the root of the issue in a nonjudgmental, non-accusatory way will lead you both back into bed, ready to revive your spark.
- Psychology Today: An Inside Look at Sexual Fantasies
- AlterNet: 6 Things to Try If You Want Sex More Than Your Partner Does
- Live Science: Why Women Lose Interest in Sex
About the Author
Journalist Natasha Burton has written for Cosmopolitan for Latinas, Maxim, Cosmopolitan.com, and WomansDay.com, among others. The author of "101 Quizzes for Couples" and "The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags," she is regularly called on as a relationship expert by various media outlets around the world.