sleeping over at his place advice

Few things are fraught with more anxiety and excitement than sleeping over at a romantic interest's place for the first time. Granted, adult sleepovers are way better than the childhood variety, but they're also more complicated. Don't let nerves kill your buzz, though. This is a moment in your dating timeline you'll want to savor – just knock out a couple of preliminaries prior to the big night.

Your comfort level

As a woman, you come equipped with an invaluable tool – your instincts. Whether your relationship is brand new, or you've been seeing your significant other for a solid stretch, don't discount your gut feelings. Obviously, you want to feel safe with him physically. That's a no-brainer, right? But you should also feel safe with him emotionally. You're going to want to have this conversation with yourself beforehand since the heat of the moment makes rationality a bit fuzzy sometimes.

His household dynamics

Adult dating is full of gray areas so, if you want to be sure your relationship is monogamous before sleeping over, you should ask if they are seeing anyone else – or even if they just have a roommate. And while you may not feel ready to have the conversation about whether they have kids or not yet, it would be nice to know if one of those children might walk in on your intimate evening together. Also good info: whether they have pets. No one wants to be the girl whose face swells on the first sleepover thanks to a severe cat allergy.

How far you want things to go

This is another inner monologue you don't want to leave to the last minute – particularly if that minute is spent in a steamy embrace. If you want to take things slowly, remind yourself as you knock on the door. You have all night, so there's no reason to rush. But if you are open to furthering your relationship intimately, come prepared. It's never a bad idea to have a bottle of K-Y UltraGel on hand, just in case.

K-Y Ultragel

What the next morning might entail

Having some semblance of an agenda for the next morning is helpful. If either of you is heading into work early, you might need to set your alarm and be ready to scoot. Or you both may want to linger longer. You don't have to ruin the mystery by asking what he has planned, but it wouldn't hurt to hint around about any specific eventualities to consider. Plus, a little recon makes it possible for you to add a fun surprise to the mix, like bringing the makings for his favorite breakfast if you are planning to enjoy a leisurely morning together.

How it impacts your status

Ask yourself if, or how, the night could affect your relationship. If you do decide to explore the intimate side of your romantic connection, could you keep things casual after crossing that threshold? Will it automatically elevate your status to serious? Whatever you decide is entirely fine. Still, go into the evening with the understanding that sleeping over for the first time will inherently affect your current status quo. 

About the Author

A native of Charleston, S.C., Julie Sprankles has been writing professionally since 2003. She received a double Bachelor of Arts in English and communications from Charleston Southern University. Formerly editor-in-chief at award-winning shelter publication "Charleston Home + Design Magazine," Sprankles now enjoys writing and editing full-time.

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