After a big fight, it's normal to feel a little hurt. But the key is to flip how you remember the argument and, chances are, you'll see it as an opportunity to strengthen an important aspect of your romantic relationship. Having the patience to navigate your way through tumultuous times together will bring you closer than you ever imagined possible.
Once you start arguing, it's easy for hurtful things to come flying out. And, no matter who is at fault, you're both guilty now. A sincere apology is a great place to start. It may even bring your fight to a screeching halt. The sooner you're able to nip it in the bud before too many feelings get caught in the crossfire, the better.
Agree to disagree
If your disagreement never made it into insult territory, you can agree to disagree. Basically, you can look each other in the eyes with security and love and decide there's no real resolution. You stay staunch in your beliefs, but don't persecute your partner for holding a different opinion. This approach works well if the squabble isn't overly emotional in context.
Pick your battles wisely. Sometimes, in order to effectively reconnect and keep the peace, you have to agree to agree. Instead of two people walking away feeling justified, one person must push strong feelings aside and make a decision based on the greater good – even if that means one person's perspective ultimately is triumphant. There's something about this that won't feel one-hundred percent right, but that's how you know you're doing it properly.
Talk it out
The most laborious technique of them all requires you both hash it out. It could take hours. You may need to take breaks or draw diagrams to get your points across. Perhaps a friend or family member may volunteer to play referee. No matter how much you don't like to drag things out, some topics seem to require a thorough visit. Embrace the chance to communicate on a profound level with each other.
Exploding emotions during an argument unleash a rush of noradrenaline (a neurotransmitter and hormone) and can lead to a state of arousal. This happens because there is a perceived threat to the attachment system. You'll notice an increase in the desire to be intimate when this biological function is activated. Your body is wired to help preserve the threatened relationship. Once the argument has been resolved, engaging in a little post-fight intimacy is a surefire way to restore closeness.
About the Author
Zoe Wilder is a writer with a Bachelor of Arts in English literature from the College of William & Mary, and a Master of Social Work from Fordham University. Her work has been published in The Huffington Post, Cosmopolitan, Good Housekeeping, Kinkly, MindBodyGreen, URB,‘SUP Magazine, Vault, Brooklyn Exposed and Thought Catalog.