How to Ask for What You Want in Bed

It's true. The couple who plays together stays together, and communication is key to creating strong bonds. So, if you’re in the mood to introduce something new into your bedroom repertoire, don’t be afraid to lay your cards on the table – or bed – and open yourself up to your partner. With these tips, you'll find that honesty has never been this gratifying.


Speak up

While your connection with your partner is strong, no one is a mind reader, which means you must let your voice be heard. Ninety-nine percent of what you say is how you say it. Speak up with sincerity and kindness, and you can't go wrong. Start off slowly with comments like, "A little more lubricant, please." And, work your way up to more involved feedback as you become comfortable hearing yourself speak.

While your connection with your partner is strong, no one is a mind reader, which means you must let your voice be heard.


Initiate intimacy

Next time you're feeling frisky, make it known. Grab him by the hand and lead him to the bed. Try gently pushing him down, and planting a big kiss on his lips. Taking the initiative will let him know you are into him, which is a huge confidence boost for both of you. After you are both in the moment, share a thought or an idea with him.


Replace fear with confidence

When an idea is on the tip of your tongue, but you're feeling hesitant about expressing it, replace your fear with confidence. Take a deep breath and muster the courage inside of you to share what's on your mind. This exercise requires some visualization and encourages you to tap into your self-awareness. Don't worry. It gets easier with practice.


The fun factor

Sharing intimate moments with the person you love is serious business, wrapped in emotions and reverence. But, it's also quite fun and sometimes silly, too. Next time you're both attempting a new position and it doesn't go according to plan, let laughter take the pressure off performance. Then navigate with open communication to get back on track. A little laughter and careful honesty will only bring you closer together.



About the Author

Zoe Wilder is a writer with a Bachelor of Arts in English literature from the College of William & Mary, and a Master of Social Work from Fordham University. Her work has been published in The Huffington Post, Cosmopolitan, Good Housekeeping, Kinkly, MindBodyGreen, URB,‘SUP Magazine, Vault, Brooklyn Exposed and Thought Catalog.