Get to know him inside out!
You’re the only person who knows your partner wears his lucky blue socks on game day, likes the right side of the bed, and eats his salad sans dressing. In fact, you know each other so well that you feel fairly confident of winning the top prize in any couple's game show.
But even though you know your partner as well as you can know a person, he’s a little shy when it comes to asking for things in the bedroom department. Luckily, with the right questions and a listening ear, you can decipher what he really wants – only serving to bring you closer emotionally and otherwise.
Though it might sound like common sense, if you ask the questions, you have to really listen to his answers!
As much as you wish you could read your partner's mind, you’re not clairvoyant. The most sure-fire way to find out what your partner likes inside or outside of the bedroom is to simply ask him. Questions can be as innocent as, “Honey, would you like a back rub?” or flirtier like, “What’s your biggest fantasy?” or “Do you like when I do this?”
While these questions might make you a little anxious – even for the strongest, most loving relationship – remember your partner loves you and will appreciate your efforts to understand him better. Not only will striking up that dialogue be good for both of your libidos, but it will also strengthen your connection in the long run.
Listen to him
Though it might sound like common sense, if you ask the questions, you have to really listen to his answers. Turn off that mental checklist of a hundred other things and turn all your attention on your partner. If you truly hear what he has to say and then apply it to your relationship both emotionally and intimately, your just-the-two-of-you moments will feel as seamless as finishing each other's sentences.
Pick up on the cues
If broaching the subject might make you feel shy, there will be moments when you can rely on context clues to determine what the other is into. You've seen the crime show reruns – put those sleuthing skills to good use. Make little mental notes every time your intimacy takes a turn that really seems to excite your partner. If nibbling an earlobe earns you a quiver, you're on the right track, friend.
According to a study conducted by Redbook of nearly 5,000 men and almost 5,000 women, one of the components of intimacy that partners crave most is variety. When you've been with your partner long enough to know how he likes his laundry folded, a certain level of comfort sets in. So, shake things up a bit. Give him carte blanche to get adventurous between-the-sheets. Seeing what buttons he likes to push will be a delightful discovery, and only serve to further enhance your emotional connection.
About the Author
A native of Charleston, S.C., Julie Sprankles has written women's health-related articles for SheKnows.com for three years, during which time she has worked on campaigns for trusted brands. Her interviews in the field include actress and HBO sexpert Katie Morgan and gasm.org founder Jamye Waxman. Sprankles holds a double Bachelor of Arts in English and Communications from Charleston Southern University.