Start Smart
Hot Wax Sex: Our Guide to BDSM Wax Play
In the world of BDSM, candles aren’t just for setting the mood. Hot wax play is a form of kink in which partners use hot candle wax to heighten sensation and pleasure. Many find that hot wax isn’t just a thrilling sensation, but a sexy sight, too. With so many senses engaged, it’s no wonder hot wax play is a part of so many people’s sexual lives.
Interested in exploring wax play? You’ve come to the right place. This is our ultimate guide to BDSM wax play. Read on to learn all about the practice of wax play and how to engage in it safely. Or, use the links below to jump ahead to a section of your choosing.
What Is Wax Play?
Wax play is a form of BDSM that involves dripping hot wax onto another to heighten sensation and increase pleasure. Wax play is both edge play, a form of BDSM in which participants challenge “safe” or “sane” norms, and temperature play, which includes sensory activities that use variations in temperatures to heighten sensations.
The Basics of Wax Play
During wax play, partners light candles and allow melted wax to pool. Once enough wax has been collected, it can be dripped onto another’s body. People like wax play for many different reasons:
- It feels good: Depending on how long wax sits before it’s dripped, the temperature may range from slightly warm to hot. Some may find pleasure in the warmth, whereas others may derive it from the pain.
- It’s risky: For many, combining danger with sex increases pleasure far beyond sex alone. Science shows that risky play during sex can release a range of “feel good” chemicals in the brain, like norepinephrine, adrenaline, endorphins, serotonin, and dopamine.1
- It introduces power dynamics: Power dynamics are central to most BDSM play. During BDSM, partners can take on roles of submission or dominance. Through hot wax play, one partner is able to take control while the other can submit to the other partner’s desires.
- It looks sexy: Some may simply be turned on by the appearance of dripping wax or the way it dries on their partner’s body.
History and Popularity of BDSM
Wax play is just one practice within the world of BDSM, bondage, discipline, and sado-masichism. While BDSM has sat on the fringes of society until about the past decade, the practice has been around for much longer.
Marquis de Sade, an 18th-century French aristocrat and philosopher, is one of the earliest documented people to participate in BDSM play. de Sade spent much of his life in mental institutions due to his sexual practices, which involved “violent” elements like whips, chains, blood, and more.2
Throughout the next century and a half, BDSM became a more popular practice, though it still sat on the fringes of society. In a 1971 study, 8% of men and 5% of women reported engaging in BDSM.3 Throughout the end of the 20th century, BDSM was considered to only be practiced by a small percentage of the population.3
Experts look to the early 21st century as a pivotal time for BDSM, when it made a massive swing from fringe behavior. Interestingly, experts credit the change in opinion to the BDSM romance novel Fifty Shades of Grey, which was published in 2011 and has sold more than 150 million copies worldwide.3
A 2017 survey showed that over 30% of adults reported participating in BDSM activities, though experts suggest that the numbers are likely far higher.3 As BDSM expands from the edges of society to common practices, more discover that this type of play heightens sex and intimacy.
How to Get Started With Hot Wax Sex
Ready to get started with hot wax sex? There are a few essential things to know.
Essential Safety Tips for Wax Play
Wax play involves both heat and fire, so precautions do need to be taken. If you’re interested in engaging in hot wax sex, follow these safety tips to stay as safe as possible:
- Use the right candles: Not all candles are safe for wax play. It’s important to use designated candles for wax play. More on this below.
- Check for allergies first: Even with the right candles, an allergic reaction can occur. Do a patch test first before getting hot and heavy with hot wax.
- Start on a less sensitive area: If it’s your first time, don’t go for the most sensitive spots. Test on arms or legs before going for more delicate areas.
- Keep a fire extinguisher nearby: A must when playing with any open flame. A fire extinguisher can save lives in the event that a candle comes into contact with a sheet or other flammable objects.
- Have a wet cloth handy: In the event that wax is too hot, a wet cloth can quickly wipe it away and cool down the skin.
- Don’t use oil-based lubes: Many of these are flammable and can cause serious damage if lit.
Preparing your Space and Materials
In addition to following safety precautions, it’s important to prepare your space for wax play. Wax may drip on any surfaces you play on, so it’s a good idea to cover surfaces with materials you don’t care about, like old sheets. Other ways to set the mood include dimming the lights and putting on a sexy playlist.
Choosing the Right Candles for Wax Play
You can’t use just any candles for BDSM wax play, as some may consist of ingredients with a high burning temperature that can cause an injury. Learn how to avoid burns by selecting the right candles.
Types of Candles to Use and Avoid
Preparing for wax play isn’t as simple as finding a spare candle in your house. Standard beeswax candles burn much hotter than body-safe candles and can put you at a much greater risk for burns. Additionally, scented home candles may cause irritation when applied to the skin.
Instead, purchase candles made for hot wax play. Massage candles are made with wax that burns cooler, is safe for the skin, and is designed to be rubbed into the skin. Wax play candles, on the other hand, are designed to harden and be removed. Unscented paraffin or soy candles can also work in a pinch, as they don’t burn as hot as beeswax.
Wax play candles are also designed to be easy to hold with a reservoir for catching melted wax before it’s dripped on skin. It’s much harder to control the wax that drips from a standard candlestick.
Another safe option for wax play is soy-based candles, which also have a low burning temperature and are made from natural ingredients that won’t cause irritation.
No matter which candle you use, remember to do a patch test on an arm or leg before applying it to more sensitive areas. If it causes irritation, don’t use it. Shopping at a reputable adult store will have safe candles perfect for wax play.
Recommended Candles for Beginners
There are numerous candles for wax play on the market that you can find online or in an adult store. Choose from these candles that experienced wax players love:
Tips and Techniques for Enjoying Wax Play
Proper wax play can take an experience from interesting to sensational. Before diving into the world of wax play, always test a drip on yourself first to ensure a comfortable temperature. The further away from your body you hold the candle, the more time the wax has to cool before landing on your body, so experiment with varying distances to find the sweet spot. Follow these additional tips and techniques for enjoying wax play below.
Temperature and Sensation Control
To take things to the next level, play around with the temperature of your wax. Experiment with these:
- Cool it down: Rather than dripping freshly burned wax, let it cool a bit to vary temperature and sensation. You may find that cooler wax allows you to play longer.
- Switch it up: Incorporate cool sensations alongside wax play. Hot wax followed by an ice cube may blow your mind.
Communication and Consent in Wax Play
In addition to physical safety, emotional safety is an important consideration during hot wax play, too.
- Consent always: Before engaging in any sort of hot wax play, it’s vital to get enthusiastic consent from everyone who is participating. If anyone is uncomfortable, don’t do it.
- Check in regularly: Some may find that, though they initially thought they’d enjoy wax play, it’s not enjoyable after all. Check in throughout your experience to make sure everyone is still enjoying themselves.
- Consider a safe word: A safe word can be a good emergency exit, especially if roleplay is involved. Read our guide to safe words to find one that’s effective and learn to use it properly.
Advanced Wax Play: Exploring Beyond the Basics
For experienced wax players, there’s always something new to try. Explore some of the ways to get creative when using hot wax for sex below.
Creative Ways to Enhance Your Experience
Next time you’re in the bedroom, try one of the following:
- Incorporate blindfolds: Eliminating the sense of sight can make your other senses more powerful, especially sensation. Blindfolds can also add the thrill of anticipation.
- Try restraints: Borrow another practice from BDSM to take the intensity to the next level. Restraints add a new power play dynamic.
Wax play can be an exciting adventure to spice up your sex life. With this guide, you can safely stimulate your senses the next time you’re getting spicy with your partner.
References
Hoffman, Jill. “Edge Play.” HuffPost, 21 Jan. 2012, www.huffpost.com/entry/edge-play_b_947349.
“A Brief History of BDSM.” Fortune Herald, www.fortuneherald.com/life-style/a-brief-history-of-bdsm/. Accessed 15 Oct. 2024.
- Rosenfeld, David. “BDSM Is Increasingly Mainstream and It Boosts Intimacy.” Psychology Today, 10 Jan. 2023, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/202301/bdsm-is-increasingly-mainstream-and-it-boosts-intimacy.
