Effective Strategies for How to Last Longer During Sex

Great sex is not a sprint, but a marathon. It’s not about reaching the finish line as quickly as possible — unless you only have time for a quickie! — but engaging deeply with your body and your partner’s body to fully maximize your potential for pleasure. That’s why it’s important to learn how to last longer, avoiding tiredness and premature ejaculation for sustained and deeper sex. This doesn’t mean going on for hours: researchers have shown that the average desirable length is around seven to 13 minutes¹, making increasing heightened sexual stamina an achievable task! If you are wondering about what to do to last longer in bed, then you are in the right place! Read on to learn more about how to last longer in bed!

In this guide, we will cover: 

• Understanding the Challenges

• Techniques to Last Longer in Bed

• Tips to Last Longer in Bed

• Key Takeaways for Lasting Longer in Bed

Understanding the Challenges

When you are looking to last longer in bed, it’s important to understand the challenges involved. For most people, the idea of having a lack of stamina is linked to premature ejaculation in men, as this is the quickest way for sex to terminate. According to the International Society of Sexual Medicine, premature ejaculation is defined as lasting under one minute prior to or after intravaginal sex² and affects up to 30% of all men². It can also be stretched to consistently finishing in under five minutes of sex or not being able to have control over when you orgasm. 

The topic of women prematurely reaching orgasm is almost completely unstudied among scientists, although it has been known to happen. According to one study, 40% of sexually active women have episodes of premature orgasm, with 3.3% overall perhaps suffering from ongoing and persistent issues³. Therefore, this article will primarily focus on male PE, but hopefully, many of these findings will also apply to women as well! 

Common Causes of Premature Ejaculation

Premature ejaculation is normal for many men but it can be a consistent source of shame and pain, especially when they want to perform better for themselves and their partners. The key causes of premature ejaculation include: 

• Worries about performance or ejaculation
• Relationship issues 
• Swelling and/or infection of the urethra and/or prostate
• Sexual trauma
• Rushing sex
• Feelings of guilt
• Negative body image
• Irregular hormone levels
• Repression
• Over-excitement
• Stress
• Anxiety
• Depression 

If this is something that is stressing you out, then it is important to remember that you are not alone. This is because, apart from very rare cases, premature ejaculation is completely curable. If you are interested in learning how to cure premature ejaculation and get your stamina back during sex, then read the rest of our guide! But first, let’s cover: 

The Impact on Sexual Satisfaction

Premature ejaculation affects both men and women in a conventional heterosexual relationship. While for the man, the lack of control can lead to dissatisfaction, an impaired sense of intimacy, shame, and reduced self-worth, female partners also report greater sexual problems, increased distress, and difficulty reaching orgasm⁴. This can actually lead to the relationship breaking down and the couple breaking up. This can sound distressing, but it’s completely avoidable. Read on to learn more.  

Techniques to Last Longer in Bed

Premature ejaculation and reduced stamina in bed can be incredibly upsetting and can lead to a breakdown in your mental health and your personal relationships. The great news is that there are a whole host of great therapies and techniques that you can engage in that have been recommended by scientists⁵ to work! Learn to control premature ejeculation and last longer in bed through the tips below: 

Behavioral Techniques

There are a couple of simple techniques that you can engage in to reduce the chances of premature ejaculation during sex. The first might be masturbating the day that you have sex with your partner, as this will reduce sensitivity in the penis when it comes to having sex later on. Just make sure you don’t masturbate right before sex, otherwise you might not be able to get hard. The second technique is to use the method of self-distraction. Boring topics that you can think about include, but are not limited to: 

• Work
• Politics
• Sports
• Taxes
• Math problems 

The one thing that you definitely shouldn’t think about during sex is, well, sex. Focusing on how hot the moment is will almost certainly increase your likelihood of premature ejaculation. The more boring the better! 

Exercises to Improve Stamina

There are two ways to last longer in bed that involve improving your stamina. The former can be done regularly to strengthen your muscles, while the latter should be practiced while having sex itself. The first is pelvic floor exercises, also known as Kegel exercises. They give you better control over your pelvic floor, giving you control over when you ejaculate. Follow these steps to delay ejaculation: 

• Tense muscles needed to pee
• Hold it for ten seconds
• Let go after ten seconds
• Repeat three times
• Practice every day 

Once you have worked on your Kegel exercises, you can then engage in edging exercises. Simply put, edging refers to the practice of getting as close to climax as possible before stopping. You should stop until the feeling like you want to ejaculate completely stops, before starting again. This lets you control the sensitivity in your penis and get used to the feeling of cumming. By investing more time in the bedroom, you will be able to spend more time having sex without finishing prematurely. If you aren’t currently in a sexual relationship and want to practice on your own, then you can also practice masturbation. 

Mindfulness and Relaxation Strategies

Staying mindful and relaxed about sex is one of the most effective ways to be in control of when and where you are ejaculating during sexual intercourse. According to a study, mindfulness, which encompasses breathing exercises, meditation, body scanning, etc, is extremely helpful in increasing the time between gaining an erection to finally ejaculating⁶. You can find a lot of mindfulness techniques on the internet; they will surely be able to make a notable difference. 

Tips to Last Longer in Bed

Now that we have covered stamina techniques and behavioral techniques, it’s worth getting into the nuts and bolts of intimacy itself, covering how you approach sex can make a difference as to how long you perform in bed. Read on for tips. 

Foreplay and Extended Intimacy

Engaging in foreplay and extended intimacy might seem counterintuitive to treating premature ejaculation. After all, if you have been touching each other’s intimate parts, kissing, or 69’ing for a good few minutes, you might assume that this will over-excite you when it comes to penetration itself, resulting in your finishing too fast. While this is true on a singular basis, practicing foreplay is actually a great way to understand the sensitivity in your penis and to exercise better control over sex itself. 

Using Desensitizing Products

In addition to using lube to make sex more pleasurable and fun, you should also be aware that there are specially desensitizing agents that you can use to reduce help sensation in your penis. For example, you can use the K-Y® Duration Desensitizing Delay Gel Pump for Men, which is an endurance enhancer for men that temporarily prolongs the time until climax. It contains benzocaine, which can be used as a male genital desensitizer to help reduce sensation and potentially prolong intercourse. Additionally, you can use K-Y® Duration Desensitizing Delay Spray for Men if you don’t want to use a gel.  

Effective Communication with Your Partner

Premature ejaculation can feel isolating and lonely for men, but there is no reason for you to feel alone. This is why it is so important that you talk to your partner properly so both of you are on the same page. It’s all about mindset. Instead of focusing on PE as a problem, it is definitely worth thinking about what longer lasting sex can do to you as a couple. By looking forward to the benefits, you will both be able to make the changes to have more fun. 

This can also be an embarrassing thing to talk about with a new partner, but being honest and upfront about it first is best, instead of hiding the problem and then surprising them with premature ejaculation during sex itself. For example, the woman (or in some cases, the other man), doesn’t have to suffer because of your issue. You can always make sure to pleasure them first before getting down to intercourse itself! 

Exploring Different Positions

Insanity (especially when it comes to sex) is trying the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. This is especially true when it comes to the sex position that you choose. For example, if you are constantly having sex in the missionary or doggy style position and cumming too fast from that, then why not try different positions for delaying ejaculation, such as cowgirl, spooning, or oral sex?  

Slowing Down the Speed

It might seem obvious, but the speed at which you have sex is naturally going to have an impact on how quickly you finish. Therefore, don’t go at it like a rabbit when you enter your partner, but make sure to take it as slowly as possible. This way you will be able to be conscious of the sensation of sex and control when you finish. 

Lifestyle Changes for Improved Performance

The way you live your life affects how you have sex. For example, the food that you eat has an effect on penile endurance. You should eat a Southern European diet with vegetables, fish, fruits, nuts, and legumes while not eating processed meats or ready meals⁷. You should also increase circulation in your body for stronger and better erections by exercising on a regular basis and quitting unhealthy behaviors like smoking or watching porn. 

Key Takeaways for Lasting Longer in Bed

While it probably isn’t feasible that you last for hours and hours in the bedroom — after all, we all have busy lives that we need to get back to — being able to last longer, in general, can lead to increased happiness and intimacy with your partner as well as opening up a new world of pleasure. We hope that the tips that have been listed above can help you in your journey to improved performance. If problems still persist after taking all of the advice on this list, then it is definitely recommended to seek the services of a professional.  

Resources

• J Sex Med, 2008, Canadian and American sex therapists' perceptions of normal and abnormal ejaculatory latencies: how long should intercourse last?

• National Institute of Health, 2016, Classification and definition of premature ejaculation

• Science Direct, 2011, Female premature orgasm: Does this exist?

• Science Direct, 2011, What Does Premature Ejaculation Mean to the Man, the Woman, and the Couple?

• National Institute of Health, 2016, Psychosexual therapy for premature ejaculation

• Research Gate, 2022, The Effectiveness of a Mindfulness Program in Treating Premature Ejaculation

• National Institute of Health, 2020, Association of Diet With Erectile Dysfunction Among Men in the Health Professionals Follow-up Study